Moments Before The Dawn

It started as a fleeting moment, on the eve of a new day, I sit in front of the this monitor typing away at, what I hope will be the final draft of a story I've been working on and off for a number of years. That "fleeting moment" pulled me from my work and I sat back in remembrance...

I was invited to dinner by a well-to-do friend of mine I've known for years. He didn't "want o be with these snobby kids" alone (it was friends of the girlfriend fresh out of graduate school). It was an interesting catastrophe Various topics briefly rose and fell until one comment hit the table. His name was Charles and he studied business and real estate investments (classic textbook Yuppie child). He just inherited his father's real estate firm and already butting heads with the seasoned subordinates. "They're talking behind my back and challenging my decisions! They don't like me even though I'm paying for their livelihoods..." My friend and I looked at each other. It was sad. I work for a "kid" like this one and it embarrasses me to admit this.
"For one," I began. "you inherited the family business because you happen to be the son of the CEO and you are up against many who earned their positions and I suspect it took some of them a number of years to get there with a great many sacrifices, none of which you've made yet-" I didn't want nor cared to insult the guy but at this point he began defending himself with arguments based on his frequent visitations to the business, his studies and grades which almost made me laugh. "the point is," I said. " you did not earn your way. You did not get your hands dirty with hard decisions or the field work necessary to complete certain aspects of the job; concepts like 'duty' and 'work ethic' are completely alien to you; concepts your team live by, and I suspect you never took the time to get to know your team or their job descriptions, what successes they had, their goals and so on. There's nothing more insulting than giving an assigned task to a staff member and having no clue whatsoever as to how it gets done or having no education to check or follow-up on the task. They'll sneak mistakes by you and watch you struggle, laughing at you all the while..." I kept a pleasant demeanor, I mean, I didn't know this guy or cared much for him but his situation is common among his class and upbringing. I, myself, would have been in this position hadn't my father changed his beliefs. It makes me angry at times to be involved in commentary like this, even by the ones I call friends. They go through college without paying a single cent then off to graduate school and afterwards straight into a job they never earned, all the while never holding an honest job in their lives, never understanding the daily struggle of earning one's way, of clocking in and clocking out, of having to do what others tell you to... They always seem baffled when they are not immediately respected. The arrogance and belligerence of these people defies reason especially when "power without effort" comes into their snobby, little hands.

The sun's coming up. On the eve of a new day less than three pages away from finishing my story, a fleeting moment distracts me...

I have no regrets.

Remembering, Now

I'm not sure about many things in Life. I suppose as one gets older some things about human nature become 'expected' while others seem to encourage mystery. I managed to survive the dawn of the 21st century and I have seen people die in car accidents, suicides, racism, wars and war mongering, a first ever Black President and on the same token a regressive Black culture. Music has hailed to the masters of old, originality and the "Cool" are things of the past, fashion is nothing more than resurgence and Architecture is now the playground of computer aestheticists. My youth has distanced itself enough for me to look at it, to relive the mistakes and paths I took, the promises broken and the dreams that have faded away. I think about my childhood friends (I wonder what they are doing now?), our house, our neighborhood in the four seasons---the best was at Christmas time, the clear winter nights where the moon made the snow look like diamonds; and the Christmas lights, and the promise of all those toys my brother and I have gotten. I realize I do not want to die. I want to see the future. I want to live to find out my true potential. There are so many questions I have. Now I just read that astronomers in Europe discovered 32 planets outside our solar system!!!

I'm not sure about many things in Life. I don't have answers... "Questions are evolutionary. Answers are History." a Rabbi once told me. "Knowledge is its own path. It has its own rules and many of us are never prepared for the destination. What happens if Man Knows? Where would His desire be?"