Envy

Its those little things, those little delicate, beautiful things I took for granted. The intimate moments, the shared joy and laughter that I now miss. Those were the norms back then, in an era that I fondly remember being great. Today, the rules have changed. Intimacy and relationships has gotten trite and superficial. Everybody is gay now (women that I meet up with is confessing to this now as if it's cool and hip to be lesbian, while real Lesbians struggle for independence and fully understand the gravity of thier situation) and its harder to take people seriously. The girls I'm freinds with constantly remind me of how far I've fallen behind the times. All those little things I onced believed in, those comfortable things, are now gone. Now I harbor a genuine fear of "dating". I once dated a woman who did nothing but complain about how evil men are, about how men segregate women and make them submissive, blah, blah, blah. She was beautiful and smart... but she was crazy! One day, after weeks of planning, I invited her for dinner... She talked and talked and talked about the same damn thing, even when I tried to change the conversation she'll find some topic and there we were again, back to the feminist mode. I yelled at her. Didin't mean to. This smart, beautiful woman was so obsessed with her hatred (mostly unfounded) that she couldn't talk about anything else. Why me? What have I ever done to this woman to earn her general hatred? I stood before this cardboard fortune teller so dpressed and angry. I come o0ut of my shell after a losing battle with Love and all I do is run into these crazy women (for some, all you need is a bag of weed and they'll sleep with you. How pathetic!). My fortune has got to change. I don't have long to live. I have to hope there is happiness out there for me. I have to hope.

A Brief History Of Modern Humanity: pt. 2

On the day he was born, his mother must've been very proud; even with all the pain she endured, the reward was this child, born in an ugly world she hoped he can change. She must've held him in her arms blessing the name of the God she believed in for this precious gift she would gladly sacrifice her life for. So many things to be hopeful for, so many dreams...  The world seemed less hostile and more forgiving. This was the child she would love. Once he got his name, he went through the World like most of us. He's been bullied, got into fights, fell in love, fell out of love, stole things from someone or someone stole from him. The Sins that built this world has touched him, provoking him, humbling him. At some point in his life he held onto secrets that hurt him, he's seen the terrible things humans are capable of yet he survived just to be the man he is today. Look at him. His life, which he worked so hard for, is dangling at the end of a wheel chair. Now he sleeps in his own piss, broken, unknown, unwanted and unloved. He, too like most of us, believes in God. I'm sure that's a Bible laying next to him which he reads with all the calenture and hope expressed by most devout humans but where is his salvation? Where are the promises of love he was taught would be there when he falls? When you have no origin, you have no destination. Any God, King or Kingdom that fails even one soul, fails everyone. At the same token, we are all responsible for the world we live in. This man will probably never see happiness ever again and that is a truly sad fate for any human.

Theory Of Analysis: notes pt. 1

A-nal-y-sis: the separating of any material or abstract entity into its constituent elements. This process as a method of studying the nature of something or determining  its essential features and their relations.


1. Analysis only covers about 10% of the object/text/abstract entity/event. The rest depends on the interpretation of the "analyzer"

2. Analysis is not capable of processing 100% of a given object/text/abstract entity/event. It can't account for the imaginary or the fantastical.

3. Analysis operates on a basic set of rules that governs its methodic architecture as a process of investigation which is its ability and its limitation in relation to object/text/abstract entity/event. In other words, a system that seeks destabilization of an object's structural constitution (or: a system that seeks to understand a given extraneous system and its opposite).

4.All forms are guided and understood by the structure of their systems. The rest are branching paths into the realms of evolutionary possibilities, circumstances, inter-relationships, the imaginary and the fantastical.

5. Think of analysis as a form or method of translation. Its natural that things, concepts, ideas, imagery, etc., gets lost or non-digested as it goes from one form to another Although it is the nature of analysis to initiate structural destabilization, and ultimately its segregation, of a given object/text/abstract entity/event, there will be pieces it can not process or investigate. Those are the pieces that contain the imaginary and the fantastical; where the mind roams and the emotions are stirred and take flight. These pieces are in constant flux and remain beyond the scope of definition.

6. Analysis can't cause erasure (unless interpretation is erasure?).

7. Analysis depends on an object's basic structure and its system, not the "essence" of an object.

8. Erasure happens during categoricalization (this process occurs when we mistake the parts for the whole).

9. Analysis doesn't seek meaning.

10. Meaning is perspectival, completely dependant of one's point-of-view.

11. Understanding is fluxual, very unstable, in constant motion and collision; an evolutionary species of process.