Envy

Its those little things, those little delicate, beautiful things I took for granted. The intimate moments, the shared joy and laughter that I now miss. Those were the norms back then, in an era that I fondly remember being great. Today, the rules have changed. Intimacy and relationships has gotten trite and superficial. Everybody is gay now (women that I meet up with is confessing to this now as if it's cool and hip to be lesbian, while real Lesbians struggle for independence and fully understand the gravity of thier situation) and its harder to take people seriously. The girls I'm freinds with constantly remind me of how far I've fallen behind the times. All those little things I onced believed in, those comfortable things, are now gone. Now I harbor a genuine fear of "dating". I once dated a woman who did nothing but complain about how evil men are, about how men segregate women and make them submissive, blah, blah, blah. She was beautiful and smart... but she was crazy! One day, after weeks of planning, I invited her for dinner... She talked and talked and talked about the same damn thing, even when I tried to change the conversation she'll find some topic and there we were again, back to the feminist mode. I yelled at her. Didin't mean to. This smart, beautiful woman was so obsessed with her hatred (mostly unfounded) that she couldn't talk about anything else. Why me? What have I ever done to this woman to earn her general hatred? I stood before this cardboard fortune teller so dpressed and angry. I come o0ut of my shell after a losing battle with Love and all I do is run into these crazy women (for some, all you need is a bag of weed and they'll sleep with you. How pathetic!). My fortune has got to change. I don't have long to live. I have to hope there is happiness out there for me. I have to hope.